...When you sit down in the car and turn up the radio to hear a song that describes your current state of mind..
You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love
When you was just a young’un you’re looks but so precious
But now your grown up
So fly its like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder
See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love
You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault
Wasn’t in your intentions
You the one here talking to me
You don’t wanna listen
But I admire your poppin bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don’t be mad
Nobody else trippin
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook
See You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
Oooh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeah
And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual
You see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
Thursday, August 25, 2011
It's 3:14 AM, and...
I have this sudden urge to create a blog post. This is the occasional, almost unknown-to-the-masses diary of my life that I one day will look back on, and maybe I will find that my progress and determinism will make me proud, once I realize my potential I guess.. Right now life is a struggle.. Not to mention money, which is almost unheard of right now, but most of all I am struggling to leave everything in the past behind me so that I can focus on what I have.. Things feel stressful, but I believe neurotransmitters that cause such feelings of dismay or worry are primarily released as a result of one's biased perception on life.. There are so many positive things going on, and I am working hard to regain my old mindset so that I can smile when things are most difficult and uncertain.. I still try though... and a couple days during the week I find myself truly smiling... Mainly when I'm with him... :)
Ace and I have been together for 5 months now.. He woke me up Tuesday morning on our "monthiversary" by uttering, "I rooove youu! Happy 5 month anniversary... If you don't have to work later, then I will take you out somewhere, maybe we can get some steak!" And he kept his word; we went and had some nom nom at Longhorn Steakhouse. :D I must add though that even if he hadn't kept his promise I would've still sported the same huge smile on my face that I presently bear, because hearing those words were the best start of my day in a very long time... Hehe it makes me happy just thinking about it :)
Best of all, he is looking to get a house and I already put in my 60 days notice so that I can move in with him... :) And even better yet: it was his idea! <3 I don't think it has hit me yet... I'm nervous, but at the same time it doesn't feel real.. It makes me feel so special, but I don't think it'll truly hit me until I'm fixing to move in my stuff there.. and I get to cuddle up to him every night and wake up next to him... I've honestly never felt as comfy or safe as I do when I hear him sleep and wake up to him whispering "I love you" in my ear <3 I don't know... I really threw my whole heart in this time and, even though nobody knows what the future holds, I really hope we're in it for the long run, because thinking about all this knowing I don't have him by my side anymore would make me sad for a very, very long time.. I'm so happy that all the good, bad, wonderful, and terrible things that happened in the past opened exactly the right doors in the elaborate maze of my life so that I could stumble into his arms.. :)
Okay all cheesiness aside, it's bedtime for moi, I'll be back hyah soon! ;)
Ace and I have been together for 5 months now.. He woke me up Tuesday morning on our "monthiversary" by uttering, "I rooove youu! Happy 5 month anniversary... If you don't have to work later, then I will take you out somewhere, maybe we can get some steak!" And he kept his word; we went and had some nom nom at Longhorn Steakhouse. :D I must add though that even if he hadn't kept his promise I would've still sported the same huge smile on my face that I presently bear, because hearing those words were the best start of my day in a very long time... Hehe it makes me happy just thinking about it :)
Best of all, he is looking to get a house and I already put in my 60 days notice so that I can move in with him... :) And even better yet: it was his idea! <3 I don't think it has hit me yet... I'm nervous, but at the same time it doesn't feel real.. It makes me feel so special, but I don't think it'll truly hit me until I'm fixing to move in my stuff there.. and I get to cuddle up to him every night and wake up next to him... I've honestly never felt as comfy or safe as I do when I hear him sleep and wake up to him whispering "I love you" in my ear <3 I don't know... I really threw my whole heart in this time and, even though nobody knows what the future holds, I really hope we're in it for the long run, because thinking about all this knowing I don't have him by my side anymore would make me sad for a very, very long time.. I'm so happy that all the good, bad, wonderful, and terrible things that happened in the past opened exactly the right doors in the elaborate maze of my life so that I could stumble into his arms.. :)
Okay all cheesiness aside, it's bedtime for moi, I'll be back hyah soon! ;)
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I'm almost out of money, and with no money I may have to leave Georgia. I've been working so hard towards my biggest goal: Staying here, but unexpected medical bills and car bullshit have thrown my calculations off. I don't want to lose everything. :/ I hate how I've come home crying every day for the past week while thinking that that won't solve anything.. It just makes me feel worse, but sometimes I feel like that's all I can do. I'm going to find a second job and hope that that doesn't take away too much time from me and Ace, I think he's the guy I've been waiting for for a long time and I don't want to lose him because of this crap.
Things always work out in their own way though, and I find comfort (or try to) in the fact that I believe that things happen for a reason. Thus far, my life has unfolded accordingly, and I hope this is just another step towards something positive that'll stick a smile of relief on my face. For now, I'll just play some guitar or keyboard; music is the best medicine <3
Things always work out in their own way though, and I find comfort (or try to) in the fact that I believe that things happen for a reason. Thus far, my life has unfolded accordingly, and I hope this is just another step towards something positive that'll stick a smile of relief on my face. For now, I'll just play some guitar or keyboard; music is the best medicine <3
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
-_-
You know when you're falling head first into dream land and you think of something you absolutely have to turn into a blog, but once you're awake you have no fucking clue what that was. Haha.
Anyway, I have the best boyfriend in the world :) It's 6am, he's at work and I feel like I got 8 hours of sleep even though I really only got 3, so here I am.
Oh, so as for the blog post I wanted to write as I fell asleep: I actually remember. Today I was rather temperamental in my own nice-ish way, I don't have those days often, but when I do it always gets me down.. I feel sort of angry, and sort of sad, because I have the greatest boyfriend, but my ex left me feeling insufficient and self conscious. I feel like I cannot amount up to anyone even though I am sure I can. I just have trouble seeing what I truly am. I try really hard and achieve a lot yet I'm left feeling like I accomplished nothing special and need to try harder just to be average, so I try harder to better myself in so many areas that I live 110 mph and exhaust myself and keep getting sick. And I'm in love, but I try to not care or expect too much (which is impossible, because after only 1 1/2 months I care more than I can describe), because after all the times I've put in my all and have gotten hurt I am afraid to get hurt again. Being afraid is no way to live, though, but all too many people can probably identify themselves in that. I trust the guy surprisingly.. I trust him a lot.. He's the best thing that has happened to me in a while.. But in the back of my mind I am still afraid, because the past couple years has consisted of constant high hopes just for things to crash down really hard. Lol, even a good friend of mine told me to not get my hopes up too high about anything, because according to recent patterns in my life it'd be foolish to do so unless I want to get hurt. But that's no way to live.. So I'm starting to say fuck it again, there's no point in living unless you come to terms with the past and realize that it doesn't necessarily have to keep repeating itself. I seem to often confront things in a very positive manner, but the journey towards actual happiness and self-actualization has become so difficult. I suppose I'll keep headbutting the obstacles like a fucking rhinoceros and hope I actually get somewhere.
Anyway, I have the best boyfriend in the world :) It's 6am, he's at work and I feel like I got 8 hours of sleep even though I really only got 3, so here I am.
Oh, so as for the blog post I wanted to write as I fell asleep: I actually remember. Today I was rather temperamental in my own nice-ish way, I don't have those days often, but when I do it always gets me down.. I feel sort of angry, and sort of sad, because I have the greatest boyfriend, but my ex left me feeling insufficient and self conscious. I feel like I cannot amount up to anyone even though I am sure I can. I just have trouble seeing what I truly am. I try really hard and achieve a lot yet I'm left feeling like I accomplished nothing special and need to try harder just to be average, so I try harder to better myself in so many areas that I live 110 mph and exhaust myself and keep getting sick. And I'm in love, but I try to not care or expect too much (which is impossible, because after only 1 1/2 months I care more than I can describe), because after all the times I've put in my all and have gotten hurt I am afraid to get hurt again. Being afraid is no way to live, though, but all too many people can probably identify themselves in that. I trust the guy surprisingly.. I trust him a lot.. He's the best thing that has happened to me in a while.. But in the back of my mind I am still afraid, because the past couple years has consisted of constant high hopes just for things to crash down really hard. Lol, even a good friend of mine told me to not get my hopes up too high about anything, because according to recent patterns in my life it'd be foolish to do so unless I want to get hurt. But that's no way to live.. So I'm starting to say fuck it again, there's no point in living unless you come to terms with the past and realize that it doesn't necessarily have to keep repeating itself. I seem to often confront things in a very positive manner, but the journey towards actual happiness and self-actualization has become so difficult. I suppose I'll keep headbutting the obstacles like a fucking rhinoceros and hope I actually get somewhere.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Let's Get Some Fried Pidgey!
Pidgey is the new word for chicken. Even Ace's mom is saying it now. Fried pidgey, grilled pidgey, spicy pidgey, chopped up pidgey, pidgey salad, barbecue pidgey, lemon pepper pidgey, beef pidgey (for when you really feel like having a Big Mac instead of a chicken sandwich), Pidgey frito, Pidgey alfredo with broccoli... You name it. ;)
Hahaha that's horrible
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