Meh

If I were to write down everything and voice all of my opinions in one blog post, I'd probably write more words than those that already exist in this blog. I just figured I need to find another outlet for my stress, so here I am..

Let's see... School, work, relationship, living situation, car... School is fine, and work is fine, and even though I barely get paid, at least I GET paid. Relationship is suffering some, and it's painful right now. The arguments we had really made me appreciate him more than I ever have, but there is no sexual intimacy anymore. I think the sexual intimacy is the one I care about the most; If you love a peron you should bear to make sacrifices -- if you enjoy hugs and kisses, but they're not the type to really give those to you, then it should be okay, but no sexual intimacy just makes me feel worthless and as if they would rather not touch me. I'm perfectly attractive and try to do anything for the person I'm with, so I don't understand. He claims he was stressed in the beginning, but once I started nagging about it he just stopped touching me in general, and he admitted that pushed him away. I'm trying to change the things he doesn't like about me though; There are many things I said that I regret and I would choose the wrong times to talk. I hope it's not too late now. I feel hopeful, but at the same time it hurts, I don't feel like doing anything other than sit and contemplate on things that I really can't do anything about. I have to step back and just hope that things work themselves out.... I just miss him when I am in the same room as him, and that hurts the most. I wish I hadn't doubted him in the past. The only reason I did was because he seemed distant, and I should've just backed off and realized that there are several reasons why that could happen instead of taking it personally... So in being worried to lose him, I pushed him away and made my fear a reality. I still have him though, so there's still a chance. I love him so I am simply going to take a step back and let it be instead of thinking about it and feeling angry or upset.. That doesn't help anyone.